My HG day on a plate
I spotting this hilarious buzzfeed post about "Day on a Plate" going viral on Facebook this morning as a backlash to the depressingly perfect and blatantly bullshit “My day on a plate” feature of the founder of a juice company - no happy person lives like this:
So I thought I would give you a giggle with an HG version of “my day on a plate”...
5.30am – Wake up with desperate urge to vomit... dash to toilet and just about make it so acid splutters bowl instead of bedroom carpet.
6am – crawl back to bed hoping to get a bit more sleep (my only relief from the relentless nausea)
7.30am – Husband wakes, creating minor movement in the bed, causes retching, then child comes in with morning breath that makes me retch again. They quickly evacuate the bedroom and get on with their days
8.30am – Try nibbling a ginger biscuit as instructed by every human I've ever met and some that I have never. Sticks in my mouth so attempt a sip of water... projectile vomit into bowl. Back to sleep
11am – Woohoo! I've passed most of the morning asleep! Take anti-sickness tablets with sip of water
11.02am – Throw up anti-sickness tablets. Fantasise about food and lie very still
11.30am – Attempt to go downstairs, throw up in bowl at bottom of the stairs for 20 minutes but hey, at least I'm downstairs now!
12.00am – Sooooooo hungry behind the nausea so consider making a slice of toast.
12.30pm – Toast successfully eaten! Now to sit very very still in the hope it stays down.
1.30pm – Well it stayed down for an hour! Go to change pants.
1.35pm – Up stairs now so may as well stay put – attempt to sleep
1.40pm – Thank fuck for my smart phone, engage with outside world via facebook and twitter. See that other people are at work, play groups, on holidays and other such normal things, feel more miserable and guilty. Message a school friend about pregnancy (trying to be positive!), mention sickness and haven't left the house in 6 weeks except for hospital admissions, secretly hoping she offers to visit. She comes back with congratulation and had I tried ginger? - click defriend.
2pm – Doctor phones, apparently I shouldn't still be sick because it ends at 12 weeks and I should try going for a walk. Wants me to stop medications soon – I reassure him they don't stay down anyway.
2.30pm - Midwife phones to book appointment, wants me to go to surgery for it, explain I can't due to HG, asks if I've tried ginger. Hang up, wondering if I can request a different midwife.
3pm – Boss phones to see if I know when I'll be back at work... says his wife had morning sickness but still managed to go to work. Suggests I could get up earlier to spew up before work? TWAT!
5pm – Husband and child home, cooking smells and noise from downstairs spell 1 hour of retching and spewing acid.
6pm – Take anti-sickness tablets and welcome the drowsiness. Mentally high five myself for surviving another day but sort of wonder if I'll actually wake up in the morning. Sleep.
Hmmm... doesn't seem very funny reading it back...