Based in Cornwall, UK, Spewing Mummy is a blog by
Caitlin Dean.
Her posts explore the trials and tribulations of suffering with  Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) 
aka Extreme Pregnancy Sickness.

In sickness and in health - Tips for right plonkers

In sickness and in health - Tips for right plonkers

I rather gave partners the benefit of the doubt in my last post. And rightly so, the vast majority of partners are hugely supportive of their loved ones and feel desperately lost in their quest to help, wishing they could share the burden of, or take away complete, the sickness for her.

But lets get real – some partners are right plonkers!

So if you're a plonker but would like to redeem yourself try some of these tips on how you can be less of a plonker and help your loved one:

  1. Put your piny on and do some housework – and I mean without moaning or calling your mum! (and that includes the toilet – you put some toilet cleaner in, leave it for a bit, then scrub with the toilet brush – found next to the toilet – and flush, job done and brownie points earned!)
  2. Do without curry for a few months – you STINK the next day
  3. That goes for fags and beer too, well, in excess anyway. I'm sure you gave up smoking back when you where trying for the baby anyway didn't you – it messes your sperm up!
  4. Go and have a w*** - don't worry, you're not “dissing” her!!!
  5. Don't stop out late getting smashed and expect her to sort the kids out in the morning while you spew up and say “don't know what you're complaining about, chucking up's not that bad”
  6. Cancel your lad's weekend – I don't care if it's fishing, walking, raving, barbecuing or any other testosterone fuelled “me time” she has been isolated, lonely and longing for the weekend all week while you've been busy at work, not spewing up – in the scheme of things it's a minor sacrifice and you can rearrange for a few months time... or just miss it... big deal.
  7. Don't take the mood swings personally and don't EVER shout back – just take it for what it is, her hurting and upset and lashing out at the closest thing to hand.
  8. Do text her from work, tell her you love her and support her and how great the future will be. Get her whatever she asks for and do it with a smile on your face (if appropriate).
  9. Do spend your evening lying in bed with her even though you'd rather be downstairs playing on the X-box. She may not be much company but she will appreciate yours.

It's a bit sad that I've had to write this post really. But all of the above are from real life examples from women I know or have supported. A couple of them (the more minor ones) are from my own experience – My husband is human after all and nine months is a long time to go with out curry and beer! But he was great at texting and just sitting with me in the evenings.

Unfortunately some, otherwise healthy partnerships and marriages don't survive the hefty trial of nine months with HG, it's pretty intense. Resentment created at this crucial time in a changing relationship, as a couple become a family, can eat away at the foundations. But luckily, those that do survive and where the partner has been supportive, tend to thrive with a “we survived that – we can survive anything” mentality.

Partners – follow the above guidelines and you'll be just fine – who knows, perhaps she'll nominate you as an HG Hero!

HG Hero - Dr Tony Barnie-Adshead

HG Hero - Dr Tony Barnie-Adshead

On Advocacy - a post for partners

On Advocacy - a post for partners