We should be so excited and happy when announcing that we are pregnant again, especially when everyone knows how much we want another baby and what we have been through over the last few months. But it's hard to be excited when you are dreading what is to come. People say 'Congratulations!' and, really, it would be odd if they didn't as they are congratulating us on the baby at the end rather than on the pregnancy itself and they are genuinely excited and pleased for us. But Rob and I can't really see the baby at the end just yet... we just see the mountain in front of us which we have to climb up then descend down the other side... somewhere in the valley on the other side is a beautiful child that we want to find... but first we must focus on the mountain! I wish we could just scoot around the edge of the mountain; but we can't. And anyway, what would I prefer people to say... I don't know, what else is there to say? Perhaps 'ok, brace yourself!' ???
Although we are very daunted by the mountain in front of us right now I am definitely encouraged by the level of support I know I am going to have over the next few months. I have made lots of wonderful new friends through my work with the Pregnancy Sickness Support Trust and via the Facebook support group and I know that I will have a number of women both via text and on the phone who will support me in every way they can and will truly know what I am going through. I am optimistic that this support will make all the difference.
Because of the recent miscarriage I am swinging between 'wanting' to feel sick so that I know the baby is okay and petrifying fear of what is to come every time I feel a wave of nausea. Today I have been handing over the various projects I have been working on to other charity volunteers so as not to loose the momentum we have got up and I just need to sort out the accounts and some farm issues; weaning the lambs, sowing some winter wheat etc. before the sickness takes over... right now it feels like a ticking bomb!
I have put on a little extra weight recently which is good as it means I have some reserve to loose and I will hopefully see my new GP soon to confirm the plan is still in place. So now we brace ourselves for the inevitable onslaught of Hyperemesis Gravidarum......